So, today I did some shopping. Christmas shopping. I got my best friend a bracelet, and had engraved a customized message about our friendship in it. She likes name brand things, big and bold. A very typical American. Possibly, even a bit narcissistic. Sometimes I wonder, does she even value our friendship itself, or is it merely taken and perceived simply as an accessory? Does it even matter that this gift, with meaning, was meant for her... given by her "best friend?" I wonder if these are just really only more empty human words. I sometimes worry about it; but I tend to brush it off. To be honest, anyone--no matter their behavior--who remains loyal for as long as she has, can do whatever they want... It's okay with me, because in the end, at least I feel like there's something, although small, worth from it.
I just hope I don't feel too disappointed by such an immaturity that she has yet to outgrow. I'm really hoping she'd look past her materialistic outlook, because there truly is more than meets the eye. At the very least, for her own sake...
I can't help but lay here and think all night. I love to think. "And that's all I have to say about that." --Forest Gump
I used to hate the fact that I wasn't Caucasian. I used to hate being mistaken for one. I used to hate being a "Hispanic." I used to hate being called white. I used to hate being called an American with no background. I am Mexican American. Feeling lost and without an identity, I used to say I had no race or ethnicity. I used to say I wasn't anything. I used to wish I was from a different place, and had a different face. I asked what I could've been, but it didn't change anything. My last name is something I had once traced, for some kind of origin, and searched for its specific place. I had found 5 different places, but I couldn't be truly linked, in any way. I only spoke "American." I only knew English. I couldn't understand them, and I couldn't talk either. I was just a pale yellow fish out of water. I didn't like to try and speak Spanish, 'cause I'd look like a fake fool. I tried Spanglish, but it hardly ever works. I couldn't even speak with my grandmothers, or my grandfathers. If only my mom, dad, and relatives weren't hurt by these things. I wished to be anything, anything worth accepting. I've realized that I truly am a Hispanic, a Mexican-American being. I learned that I can't do everything, but see more than anything, that I'm something. Someone, with a background. I have an identity, maybe unaverage and rarely unique, but it's worth...every little thing.
I like hearing how EP has changed people's views. It's changed mine. I am happy we EP users are able to voice out what we are on the inside, front and center. EP isn't a site where we have to fake and or restrain ourselves to be liked, and we don't refrain from saying something we feel to say. I like hearing all of you EP users regardless of who you are! I thank you, for letting me see what you all have to say! I also believe EP is similar to our eyes, because what you get from it leads you to nothing but truth; no obstacles, hindrances, lies, and mixed signals. Thank you, honestly, EP users, FOR LETTING ME INTO YOUR SOULS...
Previous PostsXmas, posted December 18th, 2012
Because I feel like writing, posted December 17th, 2012
My identity, posted December 15th, 2012, 1 comment
EP users, posted March 22nd, 2012, 3 comments
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